That universe of course includes Frank Capra, Jimmy Stewart, God, and my wife... not particularly in that order.
It's a Wonderful Life has been dear to my heart since early adulthood. When I was a kid I was much more obsessed with the Christmas cartoon specials, but when I finally watched it for the first time in my late teens, I became hooked on this movie. It's not just my favorite Christmas movie, it's one of my favorite movies period. In fact, it's probably #3 on my list right now, just below Raiders and the original Star Wars saga (which I count as one movie).
The lessons of this film have long been an important part of my psyche, and I knew that going into rehearsals that playing George Bailey would hit very close to home. However, I didn't realize until the middle of the run just how significant the similarities would resonate with me.
Let me try to explain...
I have known for a very long time now that the most important thing in my life is this trio:
Yet, despite knowing that family is the key to my happiness, I still find myself constantly worried about my career as a writer.
I have spent much of my 47 years on this planet fretting over my artistic life. Like George Bailey, I hoped to achieve big things... and most of the time I don't feel like I measure up.
And if I am being completely honest, the message of It's a Wonderful Life has always been a tonic for me whenever I've felt mediocre (which is often). Many times, I have told myself that old wisdom from Clarence...
...but deep down I've felt that we tell ourselves this when we are kept out of the winner's circle. It's our consolation prize. It's what we cling to so that we don't jump into that icy cold river that flows from Bedford Falls.
George Bailey wanted to travel the world. He wanted to "build bridges a hundred stories high" and "build bridges a mile long." Instead, he diligently continued running the family business, never leaving his hometown and never building anything larger than a two bedroom house.
Likewise, I wanted to write best selling novels and Oscar winning screenplays. That has not happened... and although I've never felt as desperate as George Bailey (perhaps because my Uncle never lost $8000 of my company's funds), there have been plenty of times in which I have asked God to show me the way. Plenty of times in which I have felt lost, even out of place. And there have been many times in which I have felt like lashing out at those close to me.
Having those feelings of frustration and inadequacy, all mixed together with my profound love of life, the universe, and this mixed up puzzle we call humanity -- I was confident that I would be able to experience all of those feelings that comprise the emotional nature of George Bailey.
Now, I definitely did not fill Jimmy Stewart's shoes. But hopefully the audience didn't mind my attempt. I had so much fun playing this part. It truly was a dream role, and if I never grace the stage again I'll die fulfilled -- at least in terms of my experiences as an amateur actor.
As one might expect, I made a lot of new friendships and strengthened old ones. Lots of us became very close during the run of this show. My daughter Emily is the one taking this group-selfie. She was the co-stage manager (along with one of my best pals Jesse) and she also filled in for Mrs. Martini one night, and for Violet on another.
My wife, Cheri, was an amazing director to work with because she loves and respects Capra's film as much as I do. I know what you're thinking: How did Wade get the part? Nepotism? Well, it doesn't hurt to be married to the director. But for the record, spouses can't evaluate the auditions of family members. Therefore, I auditioned for the executive director, TimBen Boydston -- but I still realize that without my connections I might never have landed the role. But you know what, I'll take what I can get. If I have to go to the casting couch to play George Bailey, so be it!
The rehearsals went smoothly. Opening night was a success. Then it was just a matter of getting through the shows. I believe there were a total of 22 performances. The main worry on my mind was whether or not I had bad breath during the George / Mary kissing scene. (And Nicole, if you are reading this, thank you for being such a good sport. You are the best Mary Hatch since Donna Reed!)
Things changed halfway through the run.
Something happened to my daughter Mackenzie. She and her boyfriend, Jeremiah, were the lighting designers on the show... and for the past eight weeks Mack had been slowly losing sensation in her toes and feet. And then she was starting to limp. She went to the E.R. and urgent care on several occasions. They misdiagnosed her with a kidney infection, and a couple other theories.
Then, one morning, she couldn't walk. What followed was a long and frightening hospital stay. For two weeks the doctors tested her and treated her -- although we still don't know the source of the problem, and we may not find out for a while longer.
You'll notice in these photos she is quite lively and in good spirits. She kept busy, whether it was visiting with the nurse (who coincidentally happened to be a former student of mine), building lego sets, or knitting...
Knitting, knitting, knitting! This kid was constantly knitting! She even knit herself a hat in less than two hours...
Don't let her beautiful smile fool you. Although Mackenzie has been very brave through this ordeal, there have been very scary moments. She (and her parents) have wondered whether or not she was dying. During the first days at the hospital, Mackenzie began having convulsions. That was one of the saddest and scariest things I have ever witnessed.
The good news is, she has been responding well to the treatment (steroids and physical therapy, mainly). She transitioned from the main hospital into a neighboring rehab facility. She learned to get around in her walker -- and she's got a wheel chair too.
The doctors believe that she will make a full recovery. But will this condition return? Is it Multiple Sclerosis? Some malformed pocket of nerves in her spine? Something else? We don't know yet. So, that's still rather scary.
But I've been learning to live in the moment, to truly embrace the moment, and to acknowledge that we cannot always prepare for the future. In fact, in many cases, being focused on the future is counter productive.
I have also learned that any career ambitions or artistic anxieties pale in comparison to the desire for the health and well-being of my family. I pray that it is a lesson I keep. I've told stories since I could speak, yet words seem to fail me when I want to express how deeply I love my family. Words also fail me when I try to convey how thankful I am that today is Christmas, and my daughter Mackenzie is alive and on the path to wellness. I don't know what December 26th will bring, but thank God for what we have here and now.
When George Bailey says, "Get me back, Clarence. I don't care what happens to me, only get me back to my wife and kids." Oh man, can I relate to those emotions, now more than ever.
Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls! Merry Christmas, Bradford Family! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan. Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Universe!
...there seems to be something in my eye, darn it! Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mama Rock!
Deletewade, you're a powerful writer and this post really touched me as well.
ReplyDeletei loved the section about cheri's talents, insight, and patience as a director or emily filling in wherever needed backstage or on stage (including in important roles like violet!) made me smile and think "of course, she would!". the details about the progression and scope of the issue mackenzie's legs not functioning correctly really got me. i know it's her nature to make the best of a bad situation (love that in the process she also made a hat in just a couple hours!) but it doesn't diminish the fact that it's a very scary situation.
please, wade don't sell yourself short in trying to compare your self to george bailey, a fictional character or jimmy stewart, the amazing actor who first played him. on the page and on film, they were inspired by good men exactly like you who may not do the big,splashy things but who do the small but important daily things-- husband, father, co-worker, friend, neighbor, community member, etc., etc... maybe you're not world famous (yet!) for your writing but your approach to life, to being a positive influence wherever you are, and your passion, enthusiasm, legendary sense of humor (knock-knock scene), artistic encouragement (writing, theatre, etc.) has meant the world to those--especially young people--around you. i guess that's the essential message of the show, we give too much importance to the wrong people(celebrities, etc.) we need to remember to recognize the core people like you who put the "wonderful" in all of our lives. you make a such a difference!! thanks for sharing your story! : )
Thanks, Kathi!
ReplyDelete