Wade's Dictionary -- The First Entry

It's official! I've gone bonkers. Since we’re self-isolating due to the Coronavirus, I have decided to pass some of the time by writing my own Dictionary. I guess that would make me a lexicographer.

Samuel Johnson, who took nine years to write the English dictionary, defined a lexicographer as: “a writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge.”

Let the drudgery begin!

A: Oh crap. This is going to be harder than I thought. How does one define A?

The grade for which every student strives. Except when English majors are in math or science class. Then they’ll be happy with a C.

There, that wasn’t so bad.

But it’s also…

2) A: an article -- it’s that little word before a noun. Darn it. I just said “a” noun. You can’t use the word to define the word! Come on, Wade! You can do better than this.

Hmmm… “A” all by itself is hard to explain. It’s like you are saying “one” -- but maybe not. If a homeless person comes up to me and asks, “Do you have a dollar?” but I have two dollars in my pocket, is the correct and honest answer “No?” (I’m going to say “No” regardless, but I’m just trying to figure this “a” word out.)

The word “a” also gives a clue to the person listening. If I ask you, “Are you a human or an evil alien?” And you start to respond: “I am a...:” I already know you’re going to say human, because that A sound means the next word is going to be a consonant instead of a vowel.

If you say, “I am an…” Then I know you’re about to reveal your evil alien ways and I can get a running start before you blast me with a laser gun. (Of course, maybe you were going to say you were “an especially kind-hearted alien,” and now I’m running away from you like the cowardly xenophobe I am.)

Is that good enough for our first definition? You try defining this first little word, and you’ll see how hard it is! Strangely enough, if you add more As to the word A it gets easy to define.

AA: Alcoholics Anonymous

AAA: The American Autoclub Association

AAAA: Hmmm... maybe this is the Asian American Autoclub Association?

AAAAA: A term of satisfaction delivered by the Fonz.

AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa: The sound one makes when falling off a cliff. (The number of As determines the cliff’s height. Each upper case A is “10” yards, each lower case “a” is five feet, which means the person who screamed this fell exactly… Actually, I have no idea. I got a C in math.)