A Curious Quiet

It's been over a year since I sold my Picture Book #4... And in keeping with my personal tradition of Never Being Satisfied, I am eagerly hoping that #5 will be picked up sometime this year.

My latest manuscript is currently in the hands (or trash bins) of 13 editors. Actually, that's not true any more. Two editors politely turned down the project, leaving 11. Those remaining editors have been curiously quiet. Two weeks have gone by without a peep. This probably means that they just haven't gotten around to reading it, and my agent will hear from them in a month or so. But my optimistic side wonders if some of the editors are celebrating the manuscript, passing it around the office, showing it off to the marketing department, high fiving the publisher, and trying to calculate the precise number of zeroes that belong on my advance.

Then again, my pessimistic side assumes that they have all read the manuscript and they hate it so much they won't even bother with a rejection letter.

Which version will prove true? I'll let you know as soon as there is a break in the silence.

In a World...

Experiment #6 involves writing a story of a poem that incorporates this prompt:


The world is exactly the same except... (insert your own difference and run with it...)


Here are some examples:


The world is exactly the same except 4th place and lower in the Olympics results in death.


The world is exactly the same except everyone is blind.


The world is exactly the same except society expects you to marry your first cousin.


The world is exactly the same except Thomas the Tank engine is real and he's pissed off.


The world is exactly the same except the entire planet is a golf course.


The world is exactly the same except organized school is outlawed.


The world is exactly the same except no clocks or calendars (or recorded time).


The world is exactly the same except Iraq is the fifty first United State.


The world is exactly the same except every U.S. citizen must serve two years as a postal employee.


The world is exactly the same except fish can talk and they are as intelligent as human 4 year olds.


The world is exactly the same except women can grant one wish during each menstrual cycle.


The world is exactly the same except aliens have arrived and they are obsessed with soccer.


The world is exactly the same except the older you get the less you can hear/understand music.


The world is exactly the same except the Alt-Right are secretly liberal extremists with a secret agenda.


The world is exactly the same except Ireland disappeared.


The world is exactly the same except single-celled organism will obey you if asked politely.


The world is exactly the same except nobody ever touches the ground.


The world is exactly the same except colleges accept students depending on physical appearance.


The world is exactly the same except your ghost inhabits the object nearest your corpse.


The world is exactly the same except humans are irrationally afraid of flowers.


The world is exactly the same except deafness has been cured -- but not everyone wants to hear.
(society wants to phase out deaf culture)


The world is exactly the same except mosquito bites give you temporary amnesia.


The world is exactly the same except only homeless people can be hired for birthday party entertainment.


The world is exactly the same except you can only visit one place outside of your hometown -- once in your life on a two week free vacation.

Sunday Funnies - Feb. 26th, 2017

Saturday Morning Cartoons: The Brady Kids and Superman

As a kid I was desperate for cartoons. I preferred the classics: Warner Bros. and Disney... and to a lesser degree the golden age of Hannah Barbara. But being an animation junkee meant that I would watch just about any cartoony piece of junk. I watched Strawberry Shortcake for cryin' out loud.

However, even I couldn't stomach the animated spin-off of the Brady Bunch known as "The Brady Kids." Keep in mind, I actually enjoyed watching re-runs of the original live-action show, the quintessential of white-bread, middle-class laugh-tracks and sappiness.  In fact, I was just telling my kids how sad I was when I first witnessed the episode in which Peter gets all dressed up because he thinks there's going to be a surprise party for him -- but it was really a revenge prank pulled by Greg and Marsha. Look how sad he is:

No, the "Brady Kids" never bothered exploring the ethical dilemmas of blended families. This cartoon was like several bad ideas mushed together.

First you have the poorly drawn versions of the human characters...

Yes. They sing and play instruments. And they seem to live in a tree house. But wait, there's more. 

Here's a stupid magical bird named Merlin. He makes Orko look like a well-developed character.

And then there's these random panda bears... Ping and Pong (offensive?)

It's all pretty awful and mostly boring. I don't recall sitting through an entire episode, but I do remember channel surfing as a child and happening upon an episode in which Superman arrive to help them paint a building. 

My memory is that Superman is holding Cindy Brady and then when the kids ask where Clark Kent is he decides to use his super-speed to fly away, some how appear in front of them as Clark Kent, and then fly back before Cindy hits the ground. 

Well, thanks to YouTube, I have rediscovered the episode, and it's even dumber than I remember. 

It's awful... but like a lot of not-so-great cartoons, it's awful in a wonderful way. Emily and I just watched this sequence five times in a row, and we couldn't stop laughing. Thank you, Brady Kids! Thank you, Superman! And thank you, freshly painted, river-clay statue of Clark Kent!

Daughterly Adventures

It's Photograph Friday!

As part of my New Year's resolution, I am doing my best to take more pictures. And so far, it seems most of my snap shots involve me tagging along with my daughters. Here's what we've been up to the past few weeks...

Mackenzie is the lighting designer for the Canyon Theatre Guild's production of "The Complete Works of Shakespeare - Abridged." This is a shot during one of the rehearsals...and this is what the stage looked like on Opening Night...

My girls have been martial artists since they were very little. That means that for nearly ten years I have lived with children's whose hands should be registered as deadly weapons. It can be very frightening at times. Here's Emily practicing her bow staff.

Mackenzie graduates high school this year -- but that almost seems inconsequential at this point since she has already taken a ton of college classes already. I know it sounds like I am Dad-Bragging, and perhaps I am a little, but the truth is this kid works her butt off. And she also puts up with bureaucracy. Every semester we have to go through a whole bunch of paper work just so she can register in college as a high school student. It seems like I always forget crossing some "T" or dotting an "i." 

Here's Mackenzie bravely facing a typical batch of red tape: 

(Perhaps this doesn't seem as thrilling as the karate stuff -- but it's adventurous nonetheless.)

After facing the perils of registration, it was time to feast... 

Last weekend, our Orange County friends came for a visit. In the past, I have usually been the one that the little kids want to play with. However, now I am old and out of fashion. The popular Bradford is none other than Emily. The kids love playing with her! 

In the above photo she's taking them on an expedition through the jungle... 

And here they are enjoying a homemade mud bath! 

Hey... this might be a good time to plug my new book! 

Many seasoned parents will warn you about how fast your children grow up. That's simultaneously true and false. When your children are little -- the size that needs to be fed, bathed, burped, and tucked into bed -- time moves by so slowly. Every day is exciting and exhausting at the same time. I call it the Fog of Early Parenthood. I remember being in that fog for what seemed like an endless eternity of diaper changes. 

Yet somehow, here we are now. Mackenzie is waiting to hear from a variety of Universities, and Emily is less than a year away from Driving Lessons. Yesterday doesn't seem so faraway. Yet, there's no train that will take us back there. We can only glimpse the past through window called a photograph. 

Word-Count Wednesday -- Feb. 22nd, 2017

What Am I Working On?

I finished the first chapter of a middle-grade novel last week, but I haven't found the time to begin Chapter Two. I have been brainstorming about it, though. I think it has potential. The thing about me as a writer is if I can get past chapter five, I will definitely finish the book. However, there are certain projects that have lagged around chapter three or four, and I ultimately never finish them. Hopefully that won't happen with my current project.

I have also been brainstorming with my friend / writing partner Christopher Flowers. we are collaborating on a new play. So far, we've come up with a variety of ideas and we've whittled them down to two... One takes lace at a monestary. The other is set in the world's worst all-inclusive resort.

Word Count: 100 (just a few lines of dialogue... Rather sad, really)
How Do I Feel about the Process:

How Do I Feel about the Process?
As I mentioned last Wednesday, I am trying to balance work with art... And work keeps winning. I spent most of the weekend grading papers for English 1A and 1B.

Let's hope I get back to the novel this weekend. Gotta get back on that drive for Chapter Five!

What am I Reading? 

Malcolm Gladwell's David and Goliath.

Picture Book Debut: Around the World in a Bathtub

Look who arrived over the weekend!

I'm holding the first author copy of my new children's book: Around the World in a Bathtub, illustrated by the amazing Micha Archer. 

I cannot bestow enough thanks upon my editor Alyssa Pusey and the good people of Charlesbridge -- but I'll try anyway. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am honored and ecstatic knowing that this little bathtime tale will be on the shelves in bookstores this June! 

(FYI: There is a terrific pre-order price available at Target's website.)